I’ve been thinking about grace a lot and the ways in which we give and receive grace. How we make sure that in our dealings with people every day we are extending more grace than anxiety. We often think that we are the only ones living with anxieties and that our anxieties take preference over others. We tell people how they make our lives difficult and how they create tough times for us and make us uncomfortable. We never think of their triggers, what they are coming into moments with, how their anxieties present and struggles they are fighting each day.

In the last 18 months the world has been shaken and disrupted in fundamental ways that we may never fully recover from. Yet it seems in this period where humanity is needed the most, we have lacked grace, we have allowed our inner darkness to prevail, holding onto the things that hurt us the most refusing to learn forgiveness, even forgiveness of ourselves.

As human beings we are being attacked on three fronts, which is affecting our nerves, our mental health and our well-being as being. Firstly there’s a global pandemic the likes of which the world has not seen in a very long time. The is trauma of going through that pandemic, something that is affecting us at core of our being. It is affecting our soul our spirit and our minds.

Secondly, there’s the isolation of being stuck at home, being stuck in these four walls that often feel like they’re closing in with no escape. Out there is a world ravaged by a disease that could kill us, but in here there is even a more insidious one growing that most us don’t language for yet. These are thoughts that have begun to emerge because there’s nowhere to go but to be in the space is that fraying our nerves to the point where every little thing feels like a shock to our system. Our anxieties of rising in ways that we’ve never seen before.

Finally, our would be freedoms have been taken away from us. Basic freedoms of being able to take a walk without a mask or going for coffee with friends or a night out or just going to see family. These freedoms that we’ve taken for granted till now have been restricted or in some cases completely taking away from us. Though we understand in some cases that in order for governments and societies to try and contain this pandemic sacrifices must be made, it has made us feel helpless.

We are feeling that we are unable to fully take control of our lives as we suffer the traumas of these three things. We are beginning to struggle in the way our humanity sometimes shows up. We are not extending grace to people, we are not forgiving easily ourselves included. We’re not building each other up enough to help foster the resilience that people have shown in this period. Even when people ask for our forgiveness we are ungracious to also see their struggle.

So what does it mean? What does it say about us? To truly extend grace to others we must first give it to ourselves. How do you make sure that people understand that they will not be chastised, that they will not be known by the errors they make because they too are doing battle with the darkness everyday?

For me, in the last 18 months, even the smallest of sounds are threatening to my nerves. I am afraid of everything and everyone makes anxious. I am retreating more and more, the closet introvert is now out and I can’t seem to put her back. I am openly struggling with strangers, I am more silent with friends and their actions hurt me more than it ought to. To them, I am being ungracious, to them I am not creating space, to them I am not asking for help, to them I am not being there. To me I am fighting a darkness I have never known before, a darkness I am trying to learn its language and finding ways to articulate what I need. I am not forgiving myself, I am not extending grace to myself, so how can I do that for others?

So, question: how do we create grace for each other in this moment so that we can find our way through from the darkness together.